「最給力的反唇相譏」獎－藍色小惡魔

背景: 在美國律師是高收入的職業，但並不十分受人尊重。因而有很多律師的笑話。

假如你有機會在法庭上作證，但願你也有跟這位警官先生一樣的機智。
這位警官在一件重罪案件中出庭接受被告律師的詢問。
這位律師想貶低這位警官的誠信度。
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.
He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.
The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

問：警官. . . 你親眼看見被告逃離現場？
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

答：沒有。但是案發後我看到一個疑似被告的人跑了好幾條街。
A: 'No sir.
But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

問：警官. . .是誰告訴你被告的長像？
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

答：是那個接到報案到達現場的警官。
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

問：是和你一夥的警官向你描述了這位嫌疑犯的長像。你相信你的同僚嗎？
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

答：我相信，我以人格保證。
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

問：以人格保證？那我問你一個問題：上班的時候你們有更衣室可以讓你們更換制服嗎？
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in
preparation for your daily duties?'

答：我們有的！
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

問：那你們在更衣室有帶鎖的櫃子嗎？
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

答：我們有的！
A: 'Yes, sir, ... I do.'

問：那你們的櫃子上鎖嗎？
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

答：是的，上鎖！
A: 'Yes, sir.'

問：好, 這是為什麼, 警官，假如你能以人格保證你的同僚都是可以信賴的，為何在大家共用的更衣室裡櫃子還有必要上鎖？
Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your
locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

答：你要知道，我們的辦公室是跟法院共用的，經常會有律師穿過那個更衣室的。
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk
through that room.'

這時法庭上發出一陣笑聲，庭審立即暫停。這位出庭的警官被提名為年度的「最給力的反唇相譏」獎。我們認為他會得獎。
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.